In school, we are obligatorily introduced to a plethora of distinct, different, eclectic personalities. More often that most, though, these people naturally piss you off. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the paranoid sociopath or anything, nor do I seek the ways to burn everyone I know in fiery conflagrations after forcing them watch grandma lesbian porn, no. In fact, there are a lot of people I know with commendable traits that are laudable of the highest praise. The girl sitting next to me in class is an example of such.
However, the existence of losers are undeniable. Prolific, in-your-face and irking to the point of homicide, they know naught of oh, I don’t know, common sense. You infidels should try it some time. I hear it’s very popular, this common sense. What I fear now is when they’re going to realize that they hold significance in numbers, they’ll start having rabid bunny sex with each other and produce obese, cosplaying little offsprings with the absurd idea that cellulites turn people on. Here’s a great example;
Or;
Ph33r t3h sexiness. I believe this character is supposed to be equipped with a signature line; "I SHALL MAKE YOU IMPOTENT HAHAHA *jiggles ass*".
(Picture extracted from http://www.catsonmars.com/otaku/cosplay/)
Aaaanyway, before I get you all nauseated… Actually, no. Nauseating people is the reason I exist. I can additionally nauseate you further by saying that yes, some people do get turned on by that. I guess when you just can’t get some, even Hamtaro evokes raw desires, eh? Except this is not Hamtaro. It is the new breed of loserdom if we don’t act fast. Prepare yourself, friends. Diet-pills are on the shelf, liposuction equipments are in the lab and yes, we have Cher pinups. Guaranteed to make one lose appetite and turn anorexic. Or get seizures and die. Whatever.
In a nutshell folks, here’s a few categories of different social classes I have duly acknowledged;
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1. The geeks.
Ah… the geeks. What are we to do without them? They are god sent, especially when you fucked yourself by playing Kingdom Hearts II ’till the wee hours of the morning and totally abandoned those must-send-or-die-assignments. Err… I’m not giving myself off as an example nope I do my homework diligently and only play BEFORE the wee hours of the morning. Yep. Oh okay, so I’m a pathological liar. What else is new?
Malaysian geeks, I have to say, should be respected. The ones in my class, at least. They’re not exactly socially inept, nor do they compel you to grab the closest fork and stuff it up their unmentionables. (Censorship rawks). Then again, maybe I’m just biased because they’ve helped me un-fuck myself on numerous occasions.
Note: Damn you Kingdom Hearts. Damn you to hell.
(The reason why the geeks are mentioned first is because if I don’t start kissing ass, they might abstain me from copying their work. Even Sephiroth couldn’t help me then. Sephiroth could KILL them and then proceed in making out with me and all, but yeah… he’s gay.)
2. The popular.
The popular? We have those? Ohhh, you mean;
2. (Revised) The ‘kek’ cute.
Why the hell do they exist? WHY MUST I BE FORCED TO BEAR WITNESS AS THEY PLASTER V-SIGNS ON THEIR FACE WHILE LAUGH AS IF THEIR FLASH OF PEARLY WHITES BEAM THE LIGHT OF EUPHORIA ON US UGLY, PHYSICALLY-CHALLENGED FOLKS?
These are the girls, I dare say, who would fart THEN giggle and we are forced to believe that it is just the cutest thing we have ever had to pleasure of witnessing. Thank you. The pungent smell of rotten flesh emitted from your asshole has made my day. Idiots.
I realize I’m being stereotypical here. What about the ones who don’t annoy the hell out of everyone? Their attractiveness does not always translate to impertinence.
Well, my answer to that is… those… exist?
3. The typical nice guy/girl/it.
I like them. I really do. They’re so considerate, so unpretentious, so helpful and especially generous with smiles. I’ve got nothing against them, and since I’m not especially gifted in the art of flattery, I shall refrain from adding anything further.
4. The emo aka attention-whores.
I read this good quote once; "Oh I am sooooo emo I listen to My Chemical Romance while cutting my wrist with a butter knife." Wise words. Very wise words.
Emo/attention-whores might not bear abundance in my school, but I do notice their appearance now and then.
"Oh my life is just so sad, I am so wraught with havoc in life. I cut my wrist because the flow of blood ever so enthralls and fascinate my insignificant existence in life. Everyone’s out to get me. Even that ice-cream man over there and that stupid looking kid with the baloon. Only random, unknown rock singers who sing about death and agony understands my pain. Boo hoo hoo."
See, I decipher that as;
"I cut my wrist with a toothpick yet I SHALL TELL EVERYONE I KNOW I HAVE ATTEMPTED DEATH. Only then they shall understand my invisible, incurable wound."
"Damnit. I shall not like Avril Lavigne, she’s too well-known. Totally uncool. Oooh here’s an unknown rock/punk/metal band. YES THEY ARE SINGING ABOUT MORBIDITY. Okay… losers in drag singing about sex, drugs, alcohol AND SUFFERING (Because there’s always suffering in orgies, beer and marijuana. Yup. I’m emo so I know this kind of thing), check. Next step is to listen to them continuously, claim I can relate with their lyrics and make everyone around me awe in amazement at my shithole of a life."
"My life is a total-wreck. Having a warm and cozy house to live in and loving parents is uncool and common so I’ll ignore that. I get proper square meals, a comfortable bed to live in, and WHAT THE HELL MY MOM JUST SCOLDED MY FOR TURNING ON THE SPEAKERS TOO LOUD. SHIT MY LIFE SUCKS! OH THE MISERY! NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!!"
If you’re going to be so "enthralled and fascinated" with suicide, what’s stopping you? You’re so pathetic you don’t even have the balls to do it, huh? Well, at least that’s another reason to be emo about.
5. The all-rounder.
The all-rounder, versatile idols of our school. The ones that are athletically and academically gifted, represent the school in any major competitions, friendly and affable, add in another random talent or two (Excellent instrument player, impressive artistic skillz, etc) and the golden child of teachers who dote on them disgustingly profusely. And it especially kick you in the nads when they turn out good-looking. Damnit. Some people are just born with everything.
I like these people. They are the perfect epitome of hardwork, perseverance and maturity. Yet, we have these envious losers who are bitter of their loss in fields they have zealously, although insufficiently, pursued.
A kid I know was whining about how he was unable to beat the smartest girl in Biology after working just so hard for months or whatever. Life is unfair, etc etc. Well smartass, here’s a thing or two;
a) Chances are, her effort has been excessive in comparison to your feeble attempt at revising.
b) Are you going to compare yourself with a person who is venerable enough to maintain discipline in any field imaginable since childhood? They don’t excel naturally. Even geniuses experience deterioration and decline in performance when they start forgoing effort. I don’t see how 6 months worth of newly-found "serious dedication" on a particular subject can outshine 17 years worth of dedication. Suck it up, loser.
I might also add that the all-rounders are segregated into two main classifications;
The arrogant and the humble.
What’s sick is, we like the arrogant ones. They’re just so good they just have to have at least one flaw we are able to critisize. Otherwise, life isn’t complete. When a smart girl tells us "Man. That’s a lot of red marks. I wonder why you people got such poor results."
And our reaction to such a DISPARAGING, IMPERTINENT comment? ‘Sweet! She just openly insulted us! Now we shall go ahead and organize a new club named "WE HATE XXX". We can persuade everyone to hate her as well so her perfect life is turned upside down. We shall continue relaying her EXACT, UNEXAGGERATED words, in which she told us "You damn fuckwits are retards. I did this test with my eyes closed and managed an A. You’re too stupid you can never be up to par with my intellectual superiority. If you’re nice though, I can hire you as my assistant. Or maid. Be thankful of my kindness, you half-witted biatches." to others. Others who scarcely give a rat’s ass at our display of overt jealousy. But honest to god, she said that. THE TRUTH SHALL BE REVEALED!’
And when these over-achievers are humble? Yeah, we’re not too keen when that happens. They just make us feel like asses. Incompetent, malicious asses. We’d have to put our heads down and admit that there are people better than ourselves. We’re not the perfect, smart, talented beings we merely fantasize of embodying. We may gradually evolve into sincerely liking and respecting them and yeah, try to replicate their venerable traits and all, but the envy lingers. Envy and awe.
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Alright I’m done. Gotta study Chemistry. Part two shall be about the Malays and their illogical, foolish inclination to adapt to a "style". Hip-hop, rocker, geek, punk, etc. We’re a sad bunch, really.
